Dear Amelie

Lesson learned: chill is the only way to go when travelling with a baby.  Your Meemaw said “Mayo lang nakapahuway kamo!” “Good thing you got a break” IT WAS NOT A BREAK. Haha If anything, it was double or triple the effort of taking care of you, of readjusting from your nap and night time routine, of you refusing to eat meals, and just packing, unpacking and repacking a lot of things. You had 3 bags, while your Daddy and I shared a small luggage for our clothes.  Mommy also realized hiking wasn’t her thing. Not especially with a baby. The last thing I wanted was for you to be inconvenienced, by the heat, by being in the carrier for too long, by all the bugs and branches in your way that Daddy had to swat away.  Next time we go on a vacation, we do it my way, the one that is more relaxed and enjoyable. A simple trip to the beach, lounging and eating (without cooking it myself), and swimming in a serene body of water (without the angry waves). You were so terrified of the b...

Today daddy was saying how sad he felt when he realized that his life would always be on the go, and gone were the days when he could spend a weekend and relax. This made mommy very anxious and maybe upset because; 1. This made me feel like it was my fault 2. Because I don’t have that luxury of slowing down and relaxing anymore as well, even if it was the weekend or weekday. So I felt daddy’s “sadness” shouldn’t be as bad as how mommy should feel.  Nevertheless, those were daddy’s feelings and they were valid. And I could not shake it off that it was my fault, Even though I know it was not, he being negative and down all day affected me so much, and that was more of why I was so upset. I had to take you out of the house to get some sun and air, drove by Tim Hortons for donuts and had a quick picnic at the park. I hope you remember the nice things we did, though I doubt you will. It was a nice afternoon, you were so cute you were walking and I didn’t realize you left behind your oth...

Dear Amelie, Right at this moment you are asleep and feeding from me, something we rarely do anymore since we started sleep training you. I miss these moments, but today was a little difficult for me so I appreciate the down and quiet time. Thank you. I am writing because today, or rather the past couple of days, starts the journey of mommy’s self-care. I am done feeling worthless, of feeling like I’m not a good mom because I can’t take care of you without breaking down. Other moms have their lives under control, I do not. Some days, I say “okay, I totally do not have control of things, I am doomed for life” but some days, I am learning to be okay with that. I wrote a lengthy post last Mother’s Day that I want to repost on her for documentation: My first mother’s day is not at all what I imagined it to be. I was looking forward to treating myself to a massage, getting my hair done, and eating eat all you can sushi. We all know none of that is happening today.  Aside fr...